How Do You Know What to Decide?
One of the most common questions I hear is:
“How do I know what to decide?” “How do I know what to choose?”
How do you actually know what to select, especially when both look reasonable, and neither come with certainty?
I’ve asked myself that question plenty of times.
Throughout our lives, we are faced with a series of decisions. What subjects to study at school, what to study at university, which career path to follow, where to live, what car to drive, who to date… the list goes on. How did you make those decisions?
If you’re anything like me, what you might find is many of those decisions were made quite passively. I didn’t think too hard about them. Life kind of just rolled from one stage to the next. I was doing what was expected and all was good. I was achieving the success that society celebrates.
But what happens when one day you decide what you have is no longer what you want? What next? I didn’t feel clear. I felt torn in numerous directions. How does one decide what to do next?
In my last blog, How to Make Decisions Without Needing 100% Certainty, I talked about why waiting for certainty keeps you stuck. This is the next layer: if certainty isn’t coming, what do you use instead?
Why Thinking About It A Bit More Doesn’t Help
When a decision really matters - career, relationships, direction - logic stops being useful. This is because you can make a convincing case for almost any option. If pros and cons alone decided things, you’d already be clear. So if it’s not logic, what is it?
If making lists and weighing up the pros and cons decided things, you’d already be clear.
“I Just Want to Make the Right Choice”
When I was deciding what to do next with my career, this was the cycle I got stuck in.
I wasn’t confused. I was split and overwhelmed.
Staying felt sensible and secure, leaving was uncomfortable, risky, unknown.
I kept asking myself which was “right”, when the real issue was simpler: I was avoiding what I already knew. I wasn’t being deeply honest with myself.
You Don’t Decide Until You’re Honest About What’s Not Working
This is the part most people avoid. They try to decide what they want next without getting honest about what isn’t working now.
Take the property programme Love It or List It. It’s the perfect example - before anyone decides whether to stay in the house or sell it, they have to be brutally honest about what’s wrong with it. The layout, the space, what drives them mad. What no longer fits how they live.
Only then can they answer the real question:
Can this be remodeled into what I want - or is it time to move on?
Life decisions work exactly the same way.
Until you’re clear about what isn’t working, you’re making a decision without all the information.
Honesty Creates the Criteria for the Decision
Once you’re honest, you start to get clear.
You see:
what you’re tolerating
what you’ve outgrown
what you need more of
That information tells you what you’re actually looking for, even if you don’t yet know the final outcome. Most importantly, it sets you on the right path.
In careers, this might mean admitting the issue isn’t the job title, but the lack of autonomy.
In relationships, it might mean acknowledging that familiarity has replaced connection.
That level of honesty doesn’t force a decision, but it does help you shape it.
You’re Not Choosing an Answer, You’re Choosing a Direction
Most people think a decision needs to be permanent. It doesn’t.
You’re not choosing the rest of your life. Nothing in life is guaranteed whatever you choose. All you can do is choose the next direction based on what you now know doesn’t fit.
Whether it’s relationships or careers, being honest about what’s no longer working tells you what you no longer want in your life. The question isn’t “Should I stay or leave this job or partner?” The real question is: “Can I continue to live without this need being met, if I stay?”
That shifts everything.
Because now you’re not trying to predict the future or make the right decision forever. You’re responding to what’s true now. If the answer is yes, you may choose to stay, but with clearer boundaries, changes, or expectations. If the answer is no, then leaving isn’t a dramatic leap, it’s a logical next step.
This is how decisions carry less weight.
It’s not certainty you’re chasing, but a direction that respects what you already know about yourself, and that’s enough to move forward.
What I Learned From Making My Own Call
I didn’t know what the right decision was.
All I knew was:
Staying kept me frustrated and restless
Leaving forced me to take responsibility for what I wanted. I would be taking back control.
I’d been stuck for too long. It was time to get honest - I no longer wanted the career I was in. I’d outgrown it a long time ago. It was time for me to take responsibility for my direction.
You Choose
You don’t decide by finding certainty. You decide by choosing the option that’s true to you and by accepting the consequences of that choice.
If this resonates, read How to Make Decisions Without Needing 100% Certainty first. Together, these two blogs lay the groundwork for the workshop:
Stop Overthinking: How to Make Decisions You Feel Good About
About Sabrina
Sabrina helps women at life’s crossroads who feel stuck and hesitant but eager for more. She helps them cut through the noise, untangle the overwhelm, and build the clarity and confidence to move forward with purpose.
Whether you’re unclear on what’s next or blocked from going after it, she blends deep mindset work with practical systems and structure to help her clients untangle what’s keeping them stuck so they can build momentum and bring their ideas to life.
A former charity professional turned movement and wellness entrepreneur, Sabrina draws on her background in fitness and physical therapy to bring a grounded, whole-person approach to transformation. She’s passionate about helping women stop overthinking, trust themselves, and take bold steps toward something that truly matters.
When she’s not coaching, she’s usually in the garden, hunting down great street food, or planning her next adventure.